Bears And Tops- Brothers From Another Mother?

I can already feel that grave getting deeper, but I will continue on for the sake of my readers. I’d hate to deprive you of my humorous post, even if it comes at the risk of my backside. So noble of me, I know.

Today’s topic is the similarities between tops and bears. Now stay with me here. A conversation about bear safety made me realize that there are a lot of similarities between a bear encounter and a top encounter. Intrigued? Please read on.

First of all, don’t be fooled by the cute ones. A bear is a bear and can be very dangerous. One should always approach with extreme caution. The one on the left, it looks like it might be nice, right? One wrong move and you won’t be thinking that for long.

Here are some facts about bears:
-The sound made by a bear is referred to as a growl. Who hasn’t heard a top growl?
Many of the species hibernate for 3-5 months. Tops like their rest. Ever wake one up unexpectedly? CRANKY.
Territory marked by clawing, biting, and rubbing trees. There’s nothing about smacking in there, but close enough.
-Size can be between 5 and 7 feet. I’ve yet to meet a 7 footer. Think Yao Ming is a spanko?
Bears hear very well. Ever mutter around a top? They always hear you.

At all times:

– Remain a respectful distance from the bear. Everyone likes their personal space.
Stay in your vehicle! Your best shot is a getaway car, don’t let yourself be cornered!

If the bear retreats or seems to ignore you:

– Take pictures, watch for a few moments, and then move on. I don’t even know what to say to that… Lol.
Never feed a bear. Once you provide them with beer and Oreos, you’ll never be rid of them.
– If the bear approaches your vehicle, leave immediately. ‘Nuff said.

Here are some general safety tips.

– Stay alert. Keep an eye out for bears so you can give them plenty of room. Look for recent bear signs such as tracks, fresh diggings, or tree scratches. If there are loose switches lying around, be especially cautious.
Travel in groups. Bottoms should always stick together!
Choose routes with good visibility when possible. Never let a top sneak up on you.
Make noise when approaching, such as loud talking or singing. Who doesn’t like being serenaded? If a bear hears you coming it will probably leave the area. I’m not so sure about that.
– If you encounter a bear, remain calm and avoid sudden movements. That could prove difficult.
Throw something onto the ground, like your camera, if a bear pursues you. It may be distracted by this and allow you to escape. Create a distraction, got it!
Never run from a bear! They will chase you and can run faster than 30 mph. They always catch you in the end. Resistance is futile, but we still try.
Play dead! Some tops don’t like the lack of reaction.
Once the bear backs off, stay quiet and still for as long as you can. Bears will often watch from a distance and come back if they see movement. Me, quiet? No can do.

If all else fails, carry some of this and never get within arm’s reach!

Advertisements

About Lea

I'm a shy bottom with a sharp wit. :-)
This entry was posted in generally spanking, humor. Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Bears And Tops- Brothers From Another Mother?

  1. findingsara says:

    Very cute…and frighteningly true!

    Sara

    Like

  2. Meow says:

    We live in bear country, too and this is so true and so hilarious! Lash wants to change his avatar and I keep telling him to be a bear! Thanks for a great post!

    Like

  3. Lash says:

    GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

    LASH

    Like

  4. Marne says:

    Your post sounds like “bear bells” to me, Lea! The bells are supposed to alert the bear to an approach. You've definitely alerted Ursus Americanus (your top picture) and Ursus Swiss (your Top)!

    Like

  5. Lea says:

    @findingsara, I know, right?

    @Meow, sounds like a good suggestion!

    @Lash, Lol, thanks for stopping by!

    @Urs, just a “hmmm”?

    @Marne, Haha I think his “hmmm” was a bit ominous. What do you think?

    Like

  6. great post Lea – in my head i replaced the bear with a lion my HOH is a leo and its oh so true – well not this week but has been – hopefully will be again 🙂 xxx

    Like

  7. Dioneo says:

    So witty, Lea! You're absolutely right about the comparison. So whenever a spanker calls you “honey,” you know just what he's thinking. 😉

    Like

  8. Lea says:

    @kiwigirliegirl, thanks! I hope it will be again for you too.

    @Dioneo, absolutely. Everything has a double meaning around here.

    Like

  9. wordsmith says:

    If a girl throws yet another camera at me I'm really going to get snappy 😛

    Like

  10. Candy says:

    This was really funny! Love the comparison… especially since I always think of Him as growling. Sometimes it's such a lovely growl, but other times… er not so much!

    Like

  11. joeyred51 says:

    Funny post Lea and very true.
    joey

    Like

  12. sarah thorne says:

    Hmmmm……very good comparisons there! We should all heed the advice! I mean, have you ever seen the size of a bear's paw??

    sarah

    Like

  13. Olivia says:

    LOL. Brilliant. Great post!

    Olivia

    Like

  14. Kathy says:

    HAHAHAHA! Lea, you rock! I can't be quiet, or still , either, for that matter. Being still just makes us easier to catch!

    Like

  15. Lea says:

    @wordsmith, happens to you a lot, does it?

    @Candy, thanks for reading! It can be a nice growl, but usually not.

    @joey, thanks!

    @sarah thorne, I get the feeling I may see one up close soon enough. :-/

    @Olivia, thanks! I always ask myself “Is what I want to say worth the cost of saying it?” And here it totally is. I may recant that in about 40 days though, lol.

    @Kathy, Yeah I'm not totally sold on the playing dead thing, seems it'd make an easier target.

    Like

  16. eileen061209 says:

    Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope with us once again, lea. The similarities, examples and resources you offer in your post are critical for the safe, sane and consensual survival of all bottoms in the wild.

    My own experience has taught me that the bear will, on occasion, utilize wolf's clothing as camouflage…a clever ploy. But as a brand-spanking-new newbie, in the presence of many bottoms, it's true I made a thoughtless remark within earshot of a Top [whose piercing eyes I did not notice until the last word left my mouth] that earned my introduction to the FES. I think it had something to do about a piece of cake.

    Like

  17. Lea says:

    @eileen, They can be very tricky indeed. Perhaps I should add the tag of “scene safety” to this post so all innocent bottoms are warned!

    Like

  18. ronnie says:

    Great comparison Lea, very good post.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    Like

  19. Lea says:

    @ronnie, thanks for stopping by!

    Like

  20. Ursus Lewis says:

    Dear Lea,

    Did you ever ask Rayne what happened to her after she compared tops with bears?

    Just warnin'
    Mr. Lewis

    Like

  21. Lea says:

    @Urs, No I haven't. Why do I get the feeling I already know the answer?

    Like

  22. Limomangus says:

    Very good lea ,it is cute and the beer and oreos ,nice touch even thought I like my oreos with a white russian .Yes by all means beware of the bears and tops …..Limomangus

    Like

  23. Lea says:

    @Limomangus, I always have safety in mind. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s