What is it that is so hard about asking for a spanking? Maybe some people don’t have this issue, but it has always been a problem for me. That may sound silly. I’m an adult, I should be able to ask for what I want. Just be direct. But I hate doing it. Even after years of practicing this lifestyle, I still sometimes struggle to even say the word “spanking” in person when it is actually happening.
“What happens when you behave this way, young lady?”
“I get a spanking, sir.”
The words catch in my throat. Every time. It’s always harder when it’s for something serious. There’s been a time or two where I’ve just laid myself across J’s lap while he was on his computer, just to see what he’d do. That’s playful, not as big of a deal. But when I really want it, need it, those are the times when it is the hardest for me to communicate.
I think some of it is because of my headspace. I want my top to just know when I’m needing it and act on that. Having to initiate things by asking for it can kill that mood. I know that noone is a mindreader and it isn’t fair to expect them to do all the work, but I just wish it was easier. When you know a partner really well it can become easier to pick up on their signals and know what they are wanting. But even then, some things can get lost in translation.
Maybe part of the reason it is so hard to ask is because it really puts me out there in such a vulnerable state. There is some factor of shame or embarrassment in having to ask to be spanked and admitting that I really need it. It places me in a very submissive position and it’s not easy to go there in my mind.
I’m guessing someone out there can relate to this and that is why “bratting” in the scene and in a party setting is always such a constant discussion. Many of us are looking for more subtle ways to indicate that we want to play without directly asking. For some there is fun in the chase and the game leading up to a scene that plays into one’s headspace. From discussions I’ve seen on the subject, it seems that many tops are okay with that to some extent as long as the bottom isn’t too over the top or out of control with it. But others just don’t like it and want every bottom to approach them and just directly ask to play.
That can be a really hard thing to do, especially when you are new to the spanking community. It’s quite intimidating to approach someone and put yourself out there, for a top or a bottom. As I’ve stated above, I still have a hard time with it. But at the same time, the best thing I could share with someone who is new to all of this would be that communication is the key. Communication helps you find out if you click with someone. It can help you feel more comfortable about playing with a person to begin with and can help prevent awkward situations from popping up.
There is a lot to discuss with a potential partner in TTWD. If it is a bit awkward to do in person then email, IM, chat, whatever. Get all your cards out on the table before you plan on playing. And if when you are together they just aren’t picking up on your signals and you don’t want to ask, check ahead of time if it’s okay to throw a Nerf football at their head as a sign that you’re good to go. 😉 Communication.