In this previous post, I mentioned the upcoming SCONY Mountain Weekend that I’m heading out to attend. For the last month, I have been sending daily countdown messages to my friends for the weekend with the theme of “Top 30 things NOT to say to a top.” Here is the complete list with the daily top retort from my friend Arthur included. (I don’t think his are quite as funny as mine, but hey, we can’t all be held to such a high standard. 😉 Don’t spank the messenger!
Top 30 Things NOT To Say To A Top
30. That tickles!
Reply 1- Somewhere in the distance, Amy can be heard adding “no more, please, I’ll take the FES. Just no more tickle.”
Reply 2- Good! That means you still have some feeling left. Now we can begin the spanking in earnest.
29. You seem to be slowing down, do you need an energy drink?
Why yes, that would be nice. What? You don’t have any, just an empty promise? DEAD
28. I wouldn’t want you to hurt your widdle hand.
Don’t worry, my LITTLE hand will be just fine. However, as I do have a WHITTLED piece of wood, let’s switch to using it just to be safe…
27. Wake me when you’re done, okay?
No, no. Please nap. You should rest while you can. You will be sleeping on your stomach for awhile after this.
26. In reply to “This hurts me more than it hurts you,” “Apparently…”
Apparently I have not been clear enough with you. Let’s make the lesson more clear, shall we? “SWOOSH”
25. What are you going to do about it?
Prescribe wood, it cures everything.
24. Don’t be such a Domass.
#24 Domass? When we are done, you are gonna domass with pillows… STANDING UP
#24b DUMBASS? Before we get started, why don’t you call for some help. When we are done, you are going to wish you would have said domass or something clever.
23. Want some Peeps?
I only accept oreos… Hence, you are still DEAD.
22. That was a piece of cake.
Great, how about another slice… How about a different flavor this time….. let’s see if a piece of a la wood will be more satisfying.
21. Bring it on!
O_O, it doesn’t work like that. [5 minutes and lots of owwws later] OK, now that we have that cleared up; you will now be spanked as I originally planned.
#21 remix….. “Raising my hairbrush” CHARGE!
20. In reply to “Come here, young lady,” “Why, are your legs painted on?”
I’ll show you painted on! When we’re done, you will see a deep red paint job on your bottom. Now move, before I consider purple!!!!!
19. Pffftt… Whatever.
Well DUH. Whatever I want, as ALWAYS. Pffft however will get you an extra 10 with the strap on top of what you already had coming.
18. My last spanking was twice as hard as this one.
Well I guess we will just have to spank twice as long…oh, and that was just a warm up.
[top thinks to himself: NO! is not a safe-word]
16. In reply to “Do you understand me?” “Oh, were you still talking?”
[Top reaches in to bag, finds a THUDDY implement] !WHACK! Let’s go over this again…..
15. *Loud exaggerated sigh accompanied by an eye roll*
“Nearly non-audible breath, followed by a blurringly quick grasp of the arm as a tandem of two head to a private location to have a discussion”
14. But… (insert any excuse/explanation here.)
…later in the day a top talking to another top… Why must bottoms always waste time with meaningless excuses? It just makes it worse for them. [nods]
13. In reply to “I’m thinking,” “Don’t hurt yourself.”
You should worry about yourself. I have many implements, you however, only have two cheeks.
12. You wouldn’t dare…
You are right, I wouldn’t dare. I will just DO!
11. 😛 (non verbal but can evoke strong feelings in a top)
#11 non-verbal (the bottom finds themselves turned around, bent over and immediately in some form of discomfort in what can be best described as “a flash”.)
10. I plead the fifth!
Six strokes is the minimum. NO exceptions, NO whining, NO pleading will reduce the strokes. Now bend over and lower your pants as instructed.
9. Make me.
8. In reply to “Are you going to behave or what?” “What!”
“Some moments later, the respondent realized that the What! meant quite a bit more than they bargained for…as echo’s of yes YES! YES!!! filled the room”
7. You and what army?
Well, if you insist.. When I’m done, I’ll send in Mr R…then Lady S…then Nurse Chantal to keep you alive…then Ms M…then Al…
6. In reply to “Have you learned your lesson yet?”, “Why, is there a test later?”
Nope,…pop quiz and you just failed.
Who do you think you are talking to? Address me properly at all times!
4. It’s not my fault!
3. You want the truth? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!
When I’m done, the TRUTH will be prominently displayed all over your BLISTERED bottom. So the question is,.. CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH? We will soon find out.
*SMACK* I don’t care we *SMACK* are in PUBLIC! You want to use that *SMACK* type of *SMACK* language, then *SMACK* you need *SMACK* immediate correction!!!
1. I’m a Red Sox fan. (What can I say, I associate with many New York area spankos.)
[days later next to the tomb of the unknown student] Today we gather to mourn ; Now the student will have a friend to lay next to for eternity.
So that’s the final list! By the time this is being read I should’ve landed at JFK and will be on my way to the SCONY weekend. If I live through this one with all the holes I’ve dug, lol, I’ll be back next week with many stories to tell I’m sure. Have a great weekend everyone!