I posted this in my writing on FetLife and wanted to share it here. (If you’d like to find me on FetLife, you can do so here )
When I was a kid, I used to write up little lists of the qualities I wanted to find in a future partner. It ranged from realistic to ridiculous depending on my mood. Things that often made the list were 1) Having a good sense of humor (Hey, I was snarky even as a 10 year old and knew that would be important.) 2) Being nice 3) Being at least 6 feet tall 4) Liking children 5) Being a return missionary (Yep, things change with age.) 6) Having a name that starts with J. (That was my Justin Timberlake phase.)
Nothing about spanking made the list. Though that interest had developed at a young age for me, I didn’t really know what to do with it. I didn’t discover that there was even a lifestyle for people who thought like I did until a few years ago. I married at the ripe age of 21. His name does start with a J, he’s nice and funny, I guess he likes children. (We don’t have any.) He’s 5’9” and was vanilla. 4 out of 6 ain’t bad.
Would I say I settled? No. I’d say I was more open minded allowing more opportunities for myself. I love my husband. He is who he is and I am who I am. Note that I said he was vanilla. Now I’d call him a swirl. He was very open and accepting of my kink when I finally got around to telling him about it and very willing to try. We found a way to make things work for us and it’s always evolving. Are we on the same wavelength about everything? No. Are things perfect? No. I play with other people in a group that I’m a part of. He’s not interested in the social aspects of the scene so I do that side of things solo and we’re both fine with that.
So many people are searching for “The One.” It is difficult enough to find a partner in the vanilla world but when you add a spanking kink as a must into the mix, it’d really narrow down the pool. Everyone has their own standards but at what point are you just setting yourself up for disappointment by expecting too much? Can one person really meet every need that you have? Is it so wrong to have several different people who meet different needs for you? Thinking of the friends realm, I don’t have one friend who shares every single interest and wants to do everything with me all the time. But I have Friend A who will always get sushi with me. Friends B and C are always down to go bar-hopping. Friend D loves to see every new movie as soon as it comes out. With everyone combined, I have a companion for all my interests.
If by some unforseen circumstance I ever found myself searching for a partner again, I’m not sure what I might do differently now that TTWD is such a prominent thing in my life. It would be difficult to go back to not having it, but not impossible. For all those who are searching for “The One,” I wish you luck. Remember, nobody is perfect. It’s about finding who is the perfect fit for you.