I’m going to tell you a little secret. My life is somewhat boring. Depressing, even, as of late. This blog covers many of the highlights. Great friends, fun memories, many spankings. I wish it was like that all of the time. But whose life is? Certainly not mine. If you didn’t already gather this, I’m feeling emo and ranty today. You may want to skip this one if you’re anti-whining. Later in the week I’ll hopefully have more upbeat spanking related material to share.
On the outside, I think I seem like I’m fine to people. I guess that’s a good thing. My recent vacation couldn’t have come soon enough. That was at least a nice break so I didn’t start falling apart in front of everyone. My day to day life is still mostly the same routine. Go to work. Come home. Have dinner. Watch Days of our Lives. Get on the computer. Hey, I told you it was boring. But now there is nobody at home to talk to when I get there.
It’s those little things that have been the hardest. I don’t want to reconcile with J. That isn’t an option and we both know that. I consider myself to be a pretty independent person. I like my space and alone time. I don’t think I was ever very clingy in my relationships. I’m content doing my own thing. But sometimes I wish there was someone there just in those certain moments. Someone to vent to after a crappy day. Someone to joke with about that funny thing that happened earlier who will get it. That phone call at the end of the day asking if I want my usual for dinner.
I feel a bit lost, like the puzzle pieces of my life are scattered all over the place and I’m unsure of how to put it back together. A close friend of mine told me, “Losing a partner is like an amputation. You will never forget the feeling of that “limb”, even if it’s necessary to remove it.” I’ve kept myself so busy the last few months, maybe I haven’t given myself a chance to properly mourn and then move on from it.
Living alone has been more of an adjustment than I thought it would be. There are definitely pros and cons. I can keep the thermostat at 75 year round without anyone complaining it’s too hot. The TV is always on the proper input when I turn it on, not left to some game system I don’t know how to switch off. Nobody tries to come in and use the bathroom while I’m in the shower. My Netflix recommendations no longer include all the RoboCop movies.
The downside? The dishes are there day after day after day. Damn things don’t seem to do themselves. I don’t know how to fix things. The toilet has been running for 4 days. My printer is out of ink. I’m not sure how to restart my modem if the internet lags. I sleep like shit. I used to get annoyed waking up to a leg on my side of the bed, but I’ve slept consistently worse without anybody next to me.
The idea of dating in the future is terrifying. It’s too soon to really worry about any of that, but it seems it’d be much easier to just write it all off and decide to be alone forever than to deal with it. Because I’m such a great catch anyway, being taller than just about every guy I know and having a strange obsession with Peeps. And you thought TTWD was my biggest oddity. A friend recently told me that someone had been flirting with me when we’d all been talking and I totally didn’t pick up on that. I don’t know what I’m doing. I haven’t been single since I was 17.
I’m not meaning for all my whining to discount the support I’ve received from family and friends lately. I truly appreciate that. To all who have made me laugh, let me cry and vent, and invited me out to do something so I didn’t spend the night alone moping, thank you. It means a lot to me. This weekend will be a busy one with a play party and then seeing family on Mother’s Day. I’ll hopefully have a more entertaining post up on Sunday. Thank you for listening.