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When the strap bites
When the cane stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite links
And then I don't feel so bad
Polyamorous (adj.)- pertaining to participation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships.
“Polyamorous” is a pretty widely used term in the kink world but I added the definition to preface the rest of this. Not too long ago, I saw a blog comment by Erica Scott where she dubbed the term “being polyspankerous” to describe having multiple spanking partners. I really liked that description and quickly created it as a fetish on FetLife. It now has 41 followers so I’m clearly not the only one who liked it.
In the online world of spanking, I’ve observed a divide of 2 big groups as far as spankos go. Those who are in monogamous, often DD, relationships and the polyspankerous folks. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, to quote Jerry Seinfeld. We all have our own thing and that’s cool. I find pondering on the differences in people to be interesting, which is partly why I’m writing about this.
Even during my marriage, I was in the polyspankerous group. When I discovered the online world of adult spanking and that there were others out there who thought like me, I was ecstatic. And I wanted to meet these people. Like, right away. Lol. But it didn’t happen quite so quickly. First I had to get past the hurdle of sharing my spanking interest with my husband who had no idea up to that point outside of a little bedroom play. In part of those initial conversations, I shared that there were spanking groups out there and various information I’d gathered online about the spanking lifestyle.
It was understandably a lot to take in. Once we got to the point of him spanking me, things then eased into conversations about how some of these groups had parties. And that I’d like to be involved in these parties and meet these people. Oh yeah, and I’d maybe like to get spanked by some of them too. It took a lot of communication to get to a certain comfort level with that. He didn’t really want to hear about what happened or even think about it, but he was okay with me going to do that because he trusted me and knew I’d stay within pre-discussed limits.
Initially, I thought a lot about my own comfort level with this whole idea. How weird was this going to be to have someone other than my husband touching me? (My own body image issues that came up in all of this are a whole different story.) The group I was getting involved with, SCONY, stressed that it was for platonic spanking, which was exactly what I was wanting. But I still wondered, would it really be? How comfortable am I going to be with being partially clothed across someone else’s lap?
I came to the conclusion that even if I didn’t get spanked by anyone, I still really wanted to meet these people. I already felt comfortable with many of them after talking online for months and months prior to my first party. So I ventured off alone to the first of many parties. And I’m so glad I did. The experience was beyond my highest expectations. The people were great and friendly, enough that I came out of my shy shell quicker than expected. I also did get spanked by several different people and it all went well. It was all so.. comfortable. It didn’t feel creepy or weird like I’d worried about.
I was hooked! I really enjoy being able to have experiences with different people. I think of spanking partners like I do friends. You have more than one friend, right? Can one person meet every need that you have? Is it so wrong to have several people who meet different needs for you? I don’t have one friend who shares every single interest and wants to do everything with me all the time. But I have Friend A who will get sushi with me. Friends B and C are always down to go bar-hopping. Friend D loves to see every new movie that comes out. With everyone combined, I have a companion for all my interests.
I’m definitely a discipline-minded spanko, but I still like participating in other areas of the spanking realm as well. Top A can give me a really good mindfuck when I need to be in that headspace, but what if I’m not in the mood for that? I might want something a bit more light-hearted and fun and Top B and I can always make each other laugh, so I enjoy playing with him for those kinds of spankings. I may enjoy a more sensual spanking with Top C and then there’s Top D for when I want some handcuffs to come into play.
I am sort of an equal opportunity spankee in that I’m not strict as to only playing with one gender or only playing with people who don’t switch, for example. But that doesn’t mean I’ll play with any Tom, Dick, or Mary I run into. I still have my own preferences and “vetting” process, so to speak. The list of people I’ve played with isn’t super long. There does need to be some sort of connection between me and the top and a lot of communication about what we’re both wanting so that we’re on the same page.
I want to reiterate that I’m not knocking anyone who is in a one partner- one spanker relationship. If that works for you, that’s great. If the idea of spanking/being spanked by someone other than your partner isn’t comfortable for you, well, it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to do it. For myself, I enjoy playing with different people. I consider myself fortunate to have found even one person, much less several, who are good tops and enjoy spanking me as well. Variety is the spice of life, after all! 😉