What is it that makes me a spanko? Why do I want/need/crave this? What does it do for me? What does it do for my partner? Will I always feel this way or will it just fade away at some point? I feel like there are many more questions than there are answers. It is an interesting thing to ponder, but I gave up a long time ago on ever figuring out the origins.
I have heard many other self-identified spankos share stories similar to mine. For me, spanking has been a lifelong interest. When I was a kid I didn’t try to actively get in trouble because what kid wants to be in trouble? That’s something one quickly learns to avoid. But I always felt a fascination with all things spanking related. I would repeatedly look up spank and all it’s variations in the dictionary. I knew where to find each spot in a book or movie that involved spanking. At the same time, I felt that it was odd and wrong and that I needed to hide it. No bookmarks would be left in the pages to signal what I had last read. They didn’t need to be there anyway, I had the page numbers memorized.
Many have expressed a similar lifelong interest. I’ve heard discussions about if there is a “spanking gene.” I don’t know about that. I just know that it’s something that has been with me as long as I can remember. Because of that, I hold it closely. It is a part of me that I don’t want to share with just anyone. It is probably why it sets me on edge when I hear someone say “so-and-so is just into spanking,” like it’s some silly and elementary thing. (That’s a whole different topic though! I’ll stay on track here.) I’ve heard many folks into spanking also share different stories about how they got into it. They saw something that made them want to try it or were introduced to it by a partner and really liked it. There isn’t one way that makes anyone a “true spanko” over another. We all differ in certain aspects.
I have always been a bottom when it comes to spanking. That’s not to say nobody hasn’t ever persuaded me to top, but I am no good at it and it doesn’t do anything for me. My headspace ties in with being the spankee/bottom/submissive/whatever you want to call it. I don’t consider myself a masochist. I actually think I’m a huge wuss when it comes to physical pain. Some find that odd. Why are you into spanking if you don’t like pain? I see pain as a means to an end to get the overall effect. More often than not, I handle the physical parts to achieve the mental/emotional parts.
My spanker/top getting into my head is such a big part of the experience for me. If there is no connection or good dynamic going with the person spanking me then it’s just having my ass smacked. In my mind that is different than a spanking. I don’t expect fireworks going off in my head with each play partner I meet, but there has to be something. Someone I have a friendship with. Someone who enjoys the verbal banter. Someone I like as a person. Feeling a mutual attraction, not even necessarily physical, or being drawn to a confident and dominant vibe (aka the strong silent type). I need that connection and closeness.
Finding the right partner is a key element. They play into the next questions. What does spanking do for me? What do I want/get out of it? The whole ritual and act of spanking gets me into a certain headspace. Ultimately, I feel safe and cared for. I need someone else to take control allowing me to be free to just feel. To be in the moment and not worried about anything else. Focused on myself, my partner, the rhythm and sensations, their words, and even the pain. It is an escape, really. I trust my top to know me and how I react and take me just far enough to achieve that emotional release.
I get very stressed when things just keep building up and I’m not always the best at expressing it. I hold on tightly to my emotions and spanking is one thing that can always help me get all of that out in a safe space. I also like pleasing my partner and being submissive towards them. I do not have a real life disciplinarian or a 24/7 relationship of a D/s dynamic. I do like how many of the aspects of discipline fit in nicely with my headspace and spanking in general. I like the mindfuck. The process of “getting caught,” unsuccessfully trying to get out of it and match wits with the top, resisting, and ultimately (as we both knew would happen) submitting and accepting the spanking. “The dance,” as some call it.
I’m no top, but from questions I have asked my friends who are I get some of the same feedback. Being in control they like caring for someone, knowing they are giving the bottom what they need, and getting them to that headspace. I don’t know what an equivalent “topspace” would be to what I get out of it, but maybe someone can describe that sometime. I’d be curious to hear more about the other side.
It’s not always all serious. Hell, I’m a spanko. I like spankings for fun, just because, for stress relief, for sexual release, because it’s Wednesday and we’re both bored. Whatever. Though my interest and mindset are rooted as I described above. The connection, contact, and closeness are all important. Oh and hugs. Did I mention hugs? I can be spanked until my bottom is a rainbow of colors, yanked by my hair, pushed into position, held down while squirming, but when that is all over I need a hug. I think I’m pretty simple. Right? As I wrote earlier, we all differ. This is some insight into the mind of Lea. What’s your story?