The Bruising Bias

People have different preferences on bruising. There are some people who love the marks left after a spanking and savor those images of a freshly spanked bottom. It can induce a sense of pride in some. There are others who like seeing a bottom turn pink but with no real heavy bruising. I’ve heard a lot of people express the latter. And it makes me feel bad. What about me?

I bruise easily. A very pale complexion paired with sensitive skin means I bruise very easily. I can get poked hard and later will find little finger shaped bruises on my arm. Some people grow out of it as they become accustomed to playing harder and/or more frequently, but that’s not necessarily the case. It certainly hasn’t been with me. I bruised from a hand spanking 3 years ago and I bruised from a hand spanking 1 week ago.

This can be a bit problematic for me in a setting such as a spanking party. I’d like to play as much as I can while I’m there and bruising can get in the way. I’ve actually been turned down by tops who weren’t comfortable spanking me with how my bottom looked. They are entitled to their preference of course, but it can be a bit frustrating. Because for me, personally, bruising doesn’t always equal being overplayed. When I’m overplayed I know it and I stop playing. But bruises just happen and sometimes it doesn’t take much.

In a party setting, it can get in the way. But generally, I don’t mind bruising. As long as it’s confined to areas that aren’t going to be noticeable to any vanilla folks. The first time I watched Secretary and saw that scene where she’s looking at her spanked bottom in the mirror, I laughed and thought “I totally do that!” I still do it. I often like to look at the marks, running my hand across them. Even days later, it can be a nice little reminder of something that was enjoyable. Or sometimes a reminder of someone’s displeasure over a certain behavior. Either way, I remember.

My main point here is EASILY BRUISED GIRLS NEED SPANKINGS TOO! That is all.

All images found at The Pink Papers.

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About Lea

I'm a shy bottom with a sharp wit. :-)
This entry was posted in generally spanking, scene stuff. Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to The Bruising Bias

  1. Spanky says:

    Bruising is not appealing to me. Paddled to the point of bright red is perfect.

    Like

  2. Bonnie says:

    Hi Lea,

    I'm one of those who seldom bruises, even when we play with the heavy toys. When it happens, I savor the reminder while it lasts. Marks are not the purpose of a spanking, but they are sometimes an unavoidable byproduct.

    Hugs,
    Bonnie

    Like

  3. sarah thorne says:

    I am like Bonnie – I rarely bruise, even when using heavy implements rather hard.

    Bruising doesn't bother me. When it happens, I kinda like it since it is so rare for me because I actually have visual PROOF that I got a hard spanking!

    My hubby says that he does not aim to bruise anyone, but if it happens, he also doesn't worry too much about it. Most people know that bruising is kinda just part of what we do at times.

    sarah

    Like

  4. Simon says:

    I don't mind some bruising or marking in pictures but prefer a few welts from a cane to the deep bruising caused by a paddle. I don't bruise easily myself but fortunately my Mistress is aware of this and punishes me accordingly. It can cause problems if I am being punished by a stranger but this happens very rarely.

    Like

  5. joeyred51 says:

    Lea,

    I am with you. I bruise as well and expect to have them after a party or long weekend. Honestly, I would be disappointed if no bruises appeared, but I cannot remember that ever happening. And, I have had tops ease up on me after some hard play as well. The next day I realized they used good judgement so I respect their judgement.

    I am more concerned about my skin cracking so I use lotion a few weeks before the weekend, but damn it makes every spank more stingy.

    Good topic and post. Thanks Lea.

    joey

    Like

  6. It takes a lot to mark my bottom or back and a very determined top. I love marks. Unfortunately, I rarely get to enjoy them.

    Like

  7. Lea says:

    @Spanky, That seems to be a popular opinion.

    @Bonnie, I think it's hard to predict when it'll happen and when it won't.

    @sarah, Yes, you don't want to get stuck in the boat of “Well I can keep spanking you harder because it looks like you're just fine!”

    @Simon, The cane certainly cornered the market on marks. Thanks for stopping by!

    @joey, Taking care of your skin is very important. I'm always moisturizing. Doesn't make the bruises go away, but keeps my skin in better shape.

    @Dragon's Rose, It seems like there are frustrating aspects for either extreme.

    Like

  8. SublimeWifey says:

    What a very interesting topic. Hubby and I were just talking about something similar in the past week or so. I'd like to be spanked to a bright pinkish red and if there are a few lingering marks here and there I wouldn't mind. But we've got two problems:

    1 – He doesn't want to leave marks. A handprint or two that night, but nothing that lasts. He's quite put out if he leaves a mark he can see the next morning and backs off for quite a while. (I suppose this is like the tops at your parties who decline to do any further “damage.”)

    2 – I'm brown, sort of light caramel to be specific, and it takes a lot of work to get my bottom to the pinkish red that satisfies me. Hubby is a recreational spanker, and not interested in the work needed to overcome my natural coloring.

    I've not met any other brown-skinned spankees so I do not know if my issues are common among those of us blessed with the pigmentation to hide light bruising (I've got to believe deep bruising would still show through but I doubt I'll ever get to find out). Hubby says I'm over-thinking this whole thing. Perhaps he's right and I should just raise my a$$ and enjoy. πŸ™‚

    Like

  9. jennakins says:

    Hey Lea,

    This is the first time I've made it to your blog and I'm glad i did! πŸ™‚

    You actually managed to make me have sympathy for you girls who bruise easily. I am one of the girls who has to be spanked with a 2X4 in order to come back with any marks, and i have envied you bruisey kids for a while now.

    I haven't had anyone turn me down for spanking because i am too bruised, but I've had a couple who quit early because my pain threshold freaks them out. It can be frustrating and disappointing to have people deciding you are done before you are really anywhere near it.

    Have you tried increasing your iron intake?

    Jennakins

    Like

  10. ronnie says:

    I don't bruise very easily but when it has happened, I quite liked to see the marks.

    Thanks for leaving comment re WordPress, appreciate it.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

    Like

  11. Poppy says:

    I love bruises from my boyfriend. I have fair skin and go red easily but I seldom bruise. I like it when I do. I like it when I see the marks he has left behind. I like it when I wince when I sit.

    I did once meet a very poor top who hurt me very badly and left me bruiised and marked for over a month. It is interesting how different those bruises felt- there was no tenderness in them, no joy felt from me. My own body revolted me for a while. But I won't let that happen again.

    I like the bruises I get now.

    A great topic.

    Like

  12. Anonymous says:

    Jeez, I bruise from a hard look!

    I don't like bruising. Pink is good. I'll even risk rosy, but I'm not keen on purples and browns. If I may be honest, I find the pictures here disturbing. I'm having trouble with sensitivity toward other people's pain. I'm funny like that. I don't even care to see someone else's spanking, even if I know they are having fun.

    –Regan

    p.s. @Joey. You shouldn't cuss! That sets a bad example for me! I mean really, what the hell?!!!
    p.p.s. What?! I'm bratting Joey? JOEY?!!!! Somebody save me from myself…please!

    Like

  13. Ya know? I am not sure of the etiquete of spank marks yet myself, actually. (un)Fortunately for me, the time between spankings is typically a month, sometimes 3 (ugh shoot me) so I have plenty of time to heal. The one time I had two spankings close together, it was from the same person.

    I don't like bruising because I fear damaging my skin and I don't want that “numb ass” syndrome one hears rumors of from time to time. Not sure about the science there though, and sometimes boo-boos happen.

    Like

  14. Erica says:

    I have no problem with bruising and marks like in these pictures. What I don't care for is the extreme, where the bottom looks like hamburger, bloody and raw. Where it looks seriously damaged. Just a matter of aesthetics, for me, since I'm horribly squeamish.

    But yeah, I often lament because of my LACK of marking. Some evidence to look at later is fun!

    Like

  15. bree says:

    I don't bruise very easily either. *SIGH* I like to see my bottom bright red and with some darker red marks. I wouldn't want my bottom to look like the last three pictures. Picture number one seems ok to me. I think I had a black and blue mark on my right thigh once in my life from a belt spanking. Didn't even know it was there until I got home and took a peek.

    I love reddened welts on my bottom. I love running my fingers over them and to feel them over the next few days. To me, it is a reminder to be good and keeps me out of trouble. I also love to see the transformation each day from red to pink to back to normal. I love the fact that I cannot sit down comfortably, it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside and I sleep more happily at night. Not that I have a problem sleeping, I usually fall asleep as my head hits the pillow. It usually takes me a week at most to get totally back to normal if I have had a really, really good spanking session. Otherwise, it is only a few days at most.

    Lea, I agree with you. It is too bad that the Top(s) won't spank you further when you bruise so easily. We have to remember though, that Tops have to feel comfortable with what they are seeing and doing and they have limits also. As far as your bruising goes. I think it is a deficiency in some vitamins in your system perhaps. It might be your body is not retaining some vitamin(s) that you need long enough for some reason. Maybe you can look it up online if you haven't already. I am not a doctor or dermatologist. Maybe you can ask for their advice discreetly.

    As a Switch, I don’t have a problem spanking someone when they are already bruised as long as I know they bruise easily and that they are really ok ok. The thing that I do not like is spanking someone right after they just got spanked a second ago. It defeats the purpose for me and shows a lack of respect for TTWD IMHO.

    Hope you find a way to settle down your bruising somehow.

    Hugs

    Like

  16. Lea says:

    @SublimeWifey, That's an interesting point. I'm pastier than paste so don't know how those with darker skin tones react to bruising.

    @jennakins, Haha, there's no reason to envy the “bruisey kids.” We have our problems, just on the other end of the scale. My iron is totally normal, get it checked yearly.

    @ronnie, You seem to be in the majority there.

    @Poppy, There are definitely some marks associated with good things and some not so much. I'm glad you got past that.

    Like

  17. Lea says:

    @Regan, I really don't like watching people play either. It makes me feel awkward, but that's a whole different subject. As far as the bruising, there is a saying that fits most situations. To each their own.

    @Adriane, I think you're speaking of the phenomenon known as “leather butt.” I've never experienced it myself, even with easily bruising. But sometimes I wouldn't mind if I was a bit tougher. Lol.

    @Erica, Your bionic bottom is on the opposite end of the scale. Can't say I've experienced that problem but it seems like you have a lot of company.

    @bree, Yes, as I stated in the post, tops are of course entitled to their preferences. But that doesn't make it any less frustrating to me. I don't have any vitamin deficiencies, I've just always been that way with bruising. What can you do?

    Like

  18. Susie says:

    I don't bruise real easily but with a serious spanking, it can happen. Just little marks that stick around for a couple of days. I don't mind them at all but my husband does and works pretty hard to make sure they don't happen.

    Like

  19. “Because for me, personally, bruising doesn't always equal being overplayed. “

    THIS TIMES A MILLION! I've only had the experience of someone else deciding that I was overplayed for me and not wanting to spank me because of it, but it was extremely frustrating when it happened and I worry it could occur again.

    My bruising has decreased over time, but it literally took years and years, and my idea of “hardly marked” is a lot of people's idea of “I look awful!” at this point. πŸ™‚

    Like

  20. Emen says:

    I so sympathize. Like Regan I bruise if you stare at me long enough. I have had a Top who knows me well stop or refuse me cause things went straight to yellowish black (not pretty I agree) just when I was cresting on it. And I don't have an iron deficiency.

    Another reason I couldn't party. This is supposed to be about all Good. Not making people feel Bad.

    Like

  21. Im a bruises and marks girl. I love the feeling for a couple of days afterwards. I often lay in bed at night afterwards just rubbing and feeling the welts….it keeps my infraction in mind and helps to keep me submissive. Its not often Im spanked lightly enough not to leave marks….guess he likes to leave marks too…his mark. I comment sometimes afterwards that i have this or that and he just says “good” πŸ™‚
    great post Lea
    hugs kiwi xx

    Like

  22. Anonymous says:

    I have a leather butt and curse it daily. I like seeing the markings and slight (not heavy) bruises the days after a good spanking session. Although, this can be misleading in that a Top will think he has to really spank hard to get me to mark and I'm already very sore (although with no bruises).

    Like

  23. Lea says:

    @Susie, It sounds like there are quite a few spankers out there who work to avoid them.

    @alex, I knew my fellow magic marker would understand! πŸ˜‰

    @Emen, Though some people may be lacking in vitamins, that certainly isn't the case for the rest of us. It just happens.

    @kiwi, Well if it doesn't bother you and it doesn't bother him, great! I don't tend to get any sympathy when I complain about my bruises either. Lol.

    @Anonymous, I can imagine that the other extreme would have it's frustrations as well. Thanks for commenting!

    Like

  24. A.S.S. says:

    We're totally fine with bruising. Never make it a goal… but it can happen with the type of impact play we do. Have had a couple of spankee friends express bruising as a “hard limit”… and we have declined to play with them, much to their surprise. “Other spankers spank me without any bruising” they say. How can you guarantee that though? Like you point out, you have bruised from a hand spanking before. Lots of spankees have. And if you DO bruise someone that is dead set against it, what then?

    Now if they ask to “try your best to avoid bruising” that's totally fine. Just aim for light to moderate at the most play.

    For us though, it's a total non-issue which gives us one less thing to worry about. Do tend to ~slow down~ when bruising happens though and in a party setting it would take knowing a spankee really well to press on with much vigor on an already bruised bottom. Would worry she had a big endorphin thing going on, and would be sore and sorry when that wore off.

    Enjoyable post and comments,
    πŸ™‚
    ~Todd and Suzy

    Like

  25. Lea says:

    @Todd and Suzy, I totally agree that one couldn't guarantee to not bruise another. Everybody's bodies react differently. I'm always sore and sorry, bruises or not. Am I doing it wrong? πŸ˜‰

    Like

  26. eileen061209 says:

    I'm not sure why…maybe it depends more on the Top in my circumstances…but sometimes I bruise heavily, and other times little or no marking.

    I know I once mentioned the fact on a message board that bruising [within safe, sane and consensual boundaries, of course] was an acceptable aspect for me following a nice spanking session—as leaving the birthday party with a greeting present, a little token of remembrance. Within moments, a number of defiant bottoms were chastising, scoffing, judging and pretty much offering their opinion that I needed to be institutionalized and/or medicated. I recall feeling hurt and misunderstood [a common state of mind for me on that website].

    And so it is now, over a year later, I see the subject discussed intelligently on this blog. I am overwhelmed by the amount of readers who responded with such thorough and comprehensive comments on a positive view of bruising. I could not have said it better….and I tried.

    Like

  27. Lea says:

    @eileen, Some people do have strong opinions on the subject. I have also encountered disgust or feelings of if a spanking leaves bruises then it's too harsh and not being done properly. But we're all entitled to our preferences.

    Like

  28. Ashley says:

    I'm very fair …as in NEVER had a tan in my life. I bruise really easily and my husband doesn't really mind…he enjoys the after care process and it looks like there is more to care for haha. I can bruise from a hand spanking too and I've been spanked now for three years. I have started taking iron since I'm vegetarian so we will see if that changes anything? I kind of like the bruises…makes me feel like I have a little secret.

    Like

  29. Lea says:

    @Ashley, I do like the marking sometimes. A nice reminder to check out in the mirror. But certain aspects of it can be frustrating, like when I want to get spanked again. Thanks for reading!

    Like

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